


The House

by timehasa_way



Series: Lost Boy verse [2]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Comfort/Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:06:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25977175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timehasa_way/pseuds/timehasa_way
Summary: Jared goes back to the house Jensen lived in during his years away from Neverland, wanting to surprise Jensen with a memento from that period of his life. Instead, he learns more about the time Jensen spent there, and how nothing is quite as it seems.
Relationships: Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki
Series: Lost Boy verse [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1885159
Comments: 6
Kudos: 26





	The House

When Jared flies back to Jensen’s  _ other _ home, he’s not entirely sure what he’s looking for. He’d left Jensen asleep in their bed, Jensen having used his magic to expand the carved out bench they’d had before into a more adult-sized version, with padding and covers. The inside of their tree is a bit more snug than it was before, but it’s comfortable and private, and to Jared, it feels like nothing else exists except for the two of them when they’re in there. Even the Lost Boys keep a certain distance from it, out of respect. But as grown-up as it might seem, they still have their stash from when they were teenagers, as well as Jensen’s bear.

It’s that bear that brought Jared here, flying into Jensen’s old bathroom window again. The bear may have more significance in connection with Jared these days, but it was something Jensen had wanted to keep with him from a previous life. It was the one thing that Jensen kept as he was passed around as a child, giving him some level of comfort. Jared hadn’t been able to resist reuniting Jensen with his bear when they were teenagers, and now… Well, now, Jared just wonders if there might be anything else Jensen would want from  _ this _ previous life. 

Jensen had been honest about feeling like he was missing something in this life, and about Neverland being his  _ real _ home. Jared  _ knows _ it’s the truth, both from their connection, and from the way Jensen has eased back into his life with Jared and the Boys, happy and content. Jensen hasn’t brought up this other home  _ once _ since he told them all that he was staying in Neverland for good and why. He’s only shown love and appreciation for everything he’s regained, and he’s more than made up for leaving before. It seems a little odd, for Jared to want to show his appreciation by bringing Jensen something from the life that he’d once abandoned them all for, especially after telling Jensen to not look back. But this  _ was _ Jensen’s life once, and for quite a number of years. Jared can’t deny the history, and if there’s anything else Jensen owned that’s even a fraction as valuable as the teddy bear, Jared wants to bring it to him.

It’s been a little while since Jared first came to find Jensen here, and he’s quiet and cautious, doing a full sweep of the house first. He doesn’t see any signs of disturbance, and nobody else is in the house. It’s the first time that Jared wonders about the people Jensen had connected with here. Are they worried about Jensen? Have they even tried looking for him? Have they tried contacting him for more than just money or sex? Jensen told Jared that he never had any relationships of substance here, but someone must have  _ cared _ about him. 

He goes downstairs and takes another look at the items he’d briefly perused the last time he was here, the magazines with Jensen’s apparently famous face on them, and the other models he knew. It’s strange to flip through them, and he can’t quite bring himself to read the words on the pages inside, unsettled by the arrogant Jensen he’d first encountered here. He abandons the magazines and takes one last look through the downstairs rooms before heading up the stairs and into Jensen’s bedroom. 

He stands in the room for a moment, just staring at it. Suddenly, this seems like a bad idea. It feels like a violation of privacy, and he freezes, unsure of what to do. Maybe he should just go back home, and forget he ever even thought of this? Maybe he should just go back and  _ ask _ Jensen if there’s anything he wants from this life, rather than rifle through his things and try to surprise him? He halfheartedly opens Jensen’s closet doors, just finding an endless supply of seemingly expensive clothes and shoes. But even as his pulse thrums with the  _ wrongness _ of what he’s doing, his curiosity is piqued. He moves to Jensen’s nightstand and opens the drawer, finding an assortment of items that he’s never seen in Neverland, but nonetheless make his cheeks burn. He can guess what they’re all used for. 

But buried underneath all of that are some other papers, and another magazine. Jared pulls them out and sits down on Jensen’s bed. He doesn’t understand what all of it means, but as he flips through it, he knows that it’s bad. There are accusations and law language, and the magazine mentions Jensen’s name within a group of other models who had all been managed by the same person. Jared stops reading when he sees allegations of terrible things the manager had done, various mentions of abuse, with Jensen initially refusing to comment, but the implications are obvious. 

He drops everything in his hands, and it all scatters on the floor. It feels like he can’t breathe for the lump in his throat, and his eyes well up with tears. His wings go so blue they glow with it, casting the room in its color. His heart feels so heavy, he’s not sure he can stand up again. He needs a minute to sit there, and to let it sink in. 

When he’d first found Jensen here, hell, even before that, he’d been so  _ angry _ that Jensen had abandoned him. But finding him in this place, rich and privileged, selfish and cocky, Jared was even angrier. All this time, he’d thought that Jensen had left the Lost Boys and Neverland to suffer and  _ grow up _ , while Jensen had it easy, with money and men to fawn all over him for the rest of his days. Of course, from Jensen’s own confessions, he knows now that Jensen had at least been somewhat lonely and unfulfilled. But he never once thought that maybe Jensen had also suffered. 

It hits Jared full force that the Jensen who lived here had actually  _ lived _ here. He probably also saw violence, lost homes and loved ones, and felt scared. Jared doesn’t know how he missed that before. It’s no different from the life Jensen lived before they met the first time. And that thought just breaks Jared’s heart more. He met Jensen as a teenager struggling so much that he wished himself away to Neverland and needed a bear to survive. Yes, it was Jensen’s choice to wander off and leave Neverland, but why did Jensen have to have  _ another _ bad experience? And to have his memory of Neverland erased… Jensen had been robbed of the knowledge that there was something better for him. He can’t think of any reason for Jensen to deserve that.

Jared stands, with some difficulty, wiping at the tears slipping down his cheeks. It’s clear to him now why Jensen hasn’t had any desire to return, after getting over his initial reliance on material things. There’s nothing here of any real value, nothing that Jensen needs. Jensen’s much happier with him in Neverland, and if anybody  _ does _ worry about where Jensen went, Jared honestly doesn’t feel very bad about it. He heads out through the bathroom window again without looking back, only wanting to get back into bed with Jensen and hold him close.

****

Jared is just as quiet in returning as he was leaving, but his emotions make him feel like he’s bursting at the seams within the confines of the tree. Jensen is still sound asleep, looking perfectly peaceful and happy, and Jared only wants to keep him that way forever. He crawls into bed behind Jensen, curling into him, arm wrapping around him to keep him close. Jensen only slightly stirs, sighing in contentment, and Jared tries to quiet his mind, but he can’t. 

“Where’d you go?” Jensen murmurs sleepily, and Jared jolts a little, not realizing Jensen had woken up. He says it in a tone that says he isn’t worried; that maybe he hadn’t been aware of Jared leaving, only when he returned, and probably assumes he had to get up in the middle of the night to pee. If only.

Lying is useless, and Jared simply can’t tone down his wings. Even beneath the covers, they glow blue enough to bathe the room in that soft light, and Jensen immediately turns in Jared’s arms, reaching out to touch Jared’s cheek as soon as he sees the look in Jared’s eyes.

“What happened?”

Jared slides his hand over Jensen’s waist, trying to make the touch reassuring, because nothing bad happened  _ here _ , in Neverland, and the peace they’ve settled into hasn’t been disturbed. “I went back to your house,” Jared confesses, his voice wavering. “I just wanted to see if there was something you might want. Some kind of memento. It was stupid.” He laughs at himself a little, but there’s no humor in it, and Jensen shifts next to him, looking at him curiously. 

“Why are you so upset?” Jensen’s tone is a little tighter this time, and Jared can’t quite sense what Jensen’s feeling. “What did you find?”

Jared hesitates. “I didn’t mean to violate your privacy or anything, and I shouldn’t have done it, it was stupid-”

“ _ Jared _ ,” Jensen cuts him off, but not meanly, and lowers his eyes a bit in embarrassment. “I’m not... _ mad _ . At least I don’t think I am. I’m  _ surprised _ , and I’m obviously not proud of that part of my life, and I wish you  _ wouldn’t _ have seen more of it.”

“I thought about your bear,” Jared blurts out, and he rushes to clarify. “It was something from your past that you wanted to keep with you. And that place… It was a big part of your life, and I know you don’t  _ want _ that life anymore, but I thought you might have  _ some _ good memory you’d want to keep with you.”

“Okay…” Jensen sits up in bed, slipping out of Jared’s grasp. “You could have asked me about that. You knew about the bear because I cried for it. You didn’t just go through my things to find something special.”

“I’m sorry.” Jared sits up with him, the tone of the blue in his wings taking a bit of a neon tinge, reflecting his panic, and Jensen notices, touching him again. It’s a small thing, just a hand on Jared’s wrist, but it’s gentle and calming, even if Jensen is still tense, and Jared’s racing heart slows a little, his wings dimming.

“I’m not mad,” Jensen repeats. Then he chuckles a little. “Or I at least won’t  _ stay _ mad. I’m… I don’t know what I am. Confused, maybe? Nervous? And yeah, maybe a little violated.”

Jared swallows hard, his wings shaking. “That’s the last thing I want to make you feel.” It makes him feel so low, so  _ awful _ , but he tries to breathe with the renewed lump in his throat, and continues. “I found some things about this manager you had.” Jensen releases Jared’s wrist and looks away, and the shame in his expression chafes at Jared, but he doesn’t know what to say for a moment. Until Jensen’s expression dawns on him as confirmation, and the blue in his wings is laced with angry red. “You didn’t deserve that.”

Jensen opens his mouth to respond and then pauses. Jared thinks for a moment that Jensen isn’t ready to talk about it, but then he tries again, quietly. “It scares me that you went back there, because I thought I got away from it for good. I don’t need any reminders of it, and you know what it does to your memory if you stay too long, so for you to go there…” His breath hitches for a moment. “I just got back here. I just remembered what my life is supposed to be like and how to be happy, and I don’t need to lose you to that place. And what I deserve…” He pauses, and all Jared wants is to hug him, but he lets Jensen finish. “I just started learning that again, too. After you brought me back here and I remembered you, and  _ leaving _ you, I thought maybe I deserved the bad things that happened to me in my life. Like maybe I’m just not a good person, and I get what I give.”

“That’s not true,” Jared insists, and Jensen still won’t look at him.

“Being here, and you wanting me to be happy, I started thinking maybe it wasn’t. And I’ve  _ been _ happy with you here and not really questioning it. I just hoped that place would never come up again.”

“I’m so sorry,” Jared whispers, then quickly qualifies it, because he instantly sees Jensen’s response to what initially seems like pity for what he’s been through. “I’m so sorry for bringing it up again. I shouldn’t have gone snooping. But I couldn’t pretend I didn’t see it. And I don’t just mean because of my wings.”

“I know that,” Jensen says, thankfully understanding that Jared isn’t only sorry for his wings giving away what he’d done. 

“I felt terrible for thinking you were just some privileged jerk,” Jared says, and Jensen snorts. “And I couldn’t understand why you had to go through so much, as a kid, and then as an adult. I wish I could just erase it all, and you only ever would have known Neverland.”

“So, being there and seeing everything, it didn’t make you feel any differently?” Jensen finally looks at him, a nervous glance, and before Jared can respond, he’s anxiously continuing, “You’ve already forgiven a lot, and now I’m…”

He trails off, and Jared prods gently, “Now you’re what?”

Jensen’s breathing a little heavier as he speaks. “I don’t know, damaged? A grown man who let someone take advantage of him? A guy who, if he says nothing happened, is probably lying and discrediting the other victims because he’s been paid off, or if he says something did, is just another person who would do anything for fame and money?”

It’s obvious now that what’s emanating from Jensen isn’t just nervousness, anxiety, shame, or embarrassment, but  _ fear _ . “I didn’t think any of those things,” Jared says, and he’s calm and patient now, because it’s the absolute truth, and he wants Jensen to know that. He doesn’t think twice about opening his wings as an offer. “See for yourself.”

Touching Jared’s wings is something Jensen could have done from the start of all this, if he wanted to just immediately know where Jared had gone and what had happened, but that’s not a boundary or connection that Jensen takes lightly, and by the same token, Jared doesn’t just grab Jensen’s hand and place it on his wing. He waits, letting Jensen consider it before taking a deep breath and slowly reaching out. The touch is a soft graze of Jensen’s fingertips, and Jared breathes through the surge of power, the jolt to his heart. He closes his eyes and lets it take over; lets Jensen feel every second of his experience in Jensen’s old house. 

When the connection breaks, the air feels quiet and clear, even if the sadness remains. 

“Thank you,” Jensen murmurs, and Jared can tell that Jensen feels lighter, but still a little raw. Neither of them had expected to deal with this tonight. “Sometimes I can’t believe you see me the way you do. Or that I even found you.”

“I’m glad you did,” Jared says, attempting a small smile. His wings have already begun to turn violet, the color meant only for Jensen. “And the same thing happens for me. We get to see each other from a different perspective. We’re lucky in that way.” He folds his wings back and shifts closer to Jensen. “Are you okay?”

Jensen sighs heavily. “What happened to me happened a long time ago. But I could use that same thing you wanted when you found out.” He turns to Jared, shrugging and offering a small smile, like it’s no big deal, though he’s obviously still shaken. “Just a night in your arms?”

Jared nods. “Of course.” He lifts the covers up and lets Jensen slide back under them, then slips in behind him, pressed up close, arms around him. He kisses the back of Jensen’s neck and nuzzles in there. “We’ll stay here as long as you want, even if it’s all day tomorrow.”

“Promise me you’ll never go back there,” Jensen says, resting a hand over Jared’s. “That nobody will ever go there. We make the Lost Boys promise, too.”

“I promise.” 


End file.
